Say you're a Mangi (Mangaloean) when.....

something to laugh....
* Konkani is never spoken, always sung.
* Sunday morning breakfast has to be sanna and sorpotel.
* At all family gatherings, (after a few drinks) the older men of the family will bring out their guitars and sing dirty songs and everyone will actually join in.
* Every other Mangy is a far off relation.
* Every trip to Mangalore includes gadbad from (?)Pabba''s/ Ideal
* And you love sea-food.
* Your brother-in-law is called "Bhaoji"
* You wear high-heels to a dance and then go bare foot on to the dance floor because it is more comfortable.
* Every sentence must start with a "kaale gi" and end with a "voi gi"
* You invite family to visit you overseas and give them long lists of things you need from India.
* You have two-three middle names, which was either of your grandmothers' or grandfathers' first name and most of which others can't pronounce.
* If you're a girl and your 22, you will get at least 3 proposals from Mangy men much older than you.
* You meet another Mangy and you both will know at least 10 people related to either of you. E.g. "She's my mother's aunt's sister-in-law's maidservant's niece."
* You love going on and on about who your grandfather was and what he did.
* You will ask your relatives traveling from Mangalore to bring you prawn/fish pickle and you make sure they also bring you some Mangalorean sweets.
* You deck/pile yourself with gold at weddings and sneer at women wearing simple jewellery and men, who often gotten drunk at the weddings.
* You know what a 'baila' is and you love dancing to it.
* If you're not married before your 28, the community will start to wonder if there is something wrong with you.
* In the 70s, at least 60% of all the Mangi men went to the gulf and were known as Gulfy's.
* You've learnt the skill of bargaining from your mother and it's something you're proud of.
* You have at least 30 first cousins and 70 second cousins. Your family tree is so large; it's a family orchard not a family tree.
* Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both or you had to go for singing lessons.
* Everyone is a family friend.
* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all 25 members of your family who have come to pick you up.
* Your entire family is constantly fighting over property they all inherited from somebody else.
* You eat "atailly kadi" which is last night's curry (Goan's aptly call it "kalchi kodi") the next morning.
* You never understand how the bus drivers actually get away with their rash driving on the streets.
* The roads are so bad that you're always complaining about pot holes.
* Your friends call you a bewada and you love the fact that they do so.
* Your entire community knows everything about everyone and nothing is a secret.
* You only look to date Mangalorean men so that they can turn in to potential husbands.
* You are a man, you start losing hair and your belly grows when you're just 35.
* Your mother's main aim in life is to please your father.
* You don't know if your ancestors were Saraswat Brahmins or Portugese... and yet you will claim only Saraswat lineage.
* Your parents either have one brother called Wilfy, an uncle called Peddy, a cousin called Vally Dattu, a distant aunt called Yellubai (nickname for Aunt Helen), a neighbor who is called Jillibai and a dog called Tommy.
* And likewise everyone you know in the community has a corresponding ridiculously corrupted konkani equivalent to equally ridiculous throw-back name of yester-years. (for example 'Ipa' for Esperancsa.... 'Attie' for Arthur! ...or Tejju for Theodocius)
* The cure for any illness is peze, lonche aani kasai
* You can get on to any bus in Mangalore and you know that wherever the bus goes, you will always land up in Hampankatta.

.....sent in by Annie Sinha : Date: 2009/4/28

Exercise for people over 50:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
I'm at this level.
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
…sent in by Ronnie D'Souza: 06 June 2007

A Warm Supper....!

A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives.

The next morning the husband wakes up showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying. So the husband inquires, "What's wrong Honey?" "Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast but I can't cook or clean."

The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast." So, off they went to the bedroom.

That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook."

Again, the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So, off they went to the bedroom again.

That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs naked. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister, again. After the third trip the husband asks, "What the heck are you doing honey?" To which the new bride replies, "Warming up your supper!"

...sent in by Ronnie D'Souza : Bangalore/ India: 05.08.2006
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Diagnozing Inzi's hurt...

One day Inzi goes to the doctor and says 'Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts.'The doctor says'OK. Touch your elbow.

Inzi touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doctor, surprised, says 'Touch your head.

Inzi touches his head and jumps in agony.

The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.

Everywhere Inzi touches it hurts like hell.

The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with x-rays, etc. and tells Inzi to come back in two days.

Two days later Inzi comes back and the doctor says;'We've found your problem.

Inzi: 'Oh yeah? What is it?'

Doctor: 'You've broken your finger!

Baptist Cowgirl... !!

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Canadian.
She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "it's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters, though."
From Sandra Noronha ; Friday, February 18, 2005